The Problem With Love

Finding love is like having a good hair day. It’s so rare, and so great, that you just feel like a model. But after some time, due to the humidity outside and the activities that create your day, your head begins to look like it was used as a mop.

That’s the same thing with love. It’s hard to find someone so perfect, that you can’t find a single flaw in their existence. And once you do find them, you think, “Man, this person is fucking awesome. I wouldn’t mind sharing my Kraft Dinner with them and maybe having a make out session on the couch later.” So that’s what you do. Everything is so perfect that you think it’s too good to be true. And unfortunately, it is. When everything is at it’s highest point, it all comes crashing down. After waiting to find that perfect person that you’re actually okay with seeing every single day, they just walk away with no reason whatsoever. And they don’t end things in a good way either. No, they usually start with, “We need to talk”, or, “I think you’re ugly”, or even, “Stop stalking me or I’ll call the cops.” And once that happens, you’re compelled to searching the house for a spoon and scarfing down that ice cream for six days straight in a giant sweater and track pants thinking, “Why me?”

That’s just the thing. There’s no answer to that question. I don’t know why my ex boyfriend left me after two and a half years over a text message. I don’t know why I had to find out that he cheated on his new girlfriend with a dude. These things just happen.

All you can do is eat that ice cream like a caveman, let the mascara tears run down your face until raccoons adopt you into their family, and listen to those sappy love songs over and over wondering why you didn’t by them flowers, hold their hand, give them all your hours when you had the chance, or take them to every party because all they wanted to do was dance.

The only good thing about a break up is getting back on your feet. Changing your look, buying the sexiest outfit you can afford on a Tim Horton’s employee salary, and taking those duck faced selfies with captions that say, “2 Fab 4 U” and “0v3r 1t” like we did in grade school. Because when it all comes down to it, girls with asses like yours don’t go out with guys with faces like his.

Signing off,

Amanda Kelly